Don’t Bring a Knife to a Salad Dressing Fight!

A British armed robber thought his knife would be enough to convince a shopkeeper to open the cash register — but he hadn’t reckoned on her skills with a squirt bottle of salad dressing.

“He came in and produced a knife and said, ‘Give me the money out of the till,'” said Lorraine Avery, 48, according to London’s Daily Telegraph.

“I thought, ‘He’s not having our money, I’ve worked hard for it’ … The nearest thing was a big bottle of salad cream so I grabbed it and squeezed it all over his clothes,” she told a court in Stafford, England, yesterday.

Michael Watt, 18, backed out of the store and ran out into the street. Police caught up to him following a trail of salad dressing, which was also all over his clothes.

Watt got a sentence of 3½ years for attempted robbery. The judge also recommended that Avery get a bravery award.

Technorati Tags: Stafford England, Armed Robbery, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Don’t I Know You From Somewhere?

Memo to robbers: Don’t hold up the establishment where you’re trying to get a job.

Megan A. Whittaker, 35, of Menasha, Wis., was arrested Sunday and accused of holding up the local Q-Mart convenience store. Cops say she brandished a toy gun and forced the clerk to open the register.

Identification was easy — Whittaker was a regular customer and had recently applied for a job at the store, reported the Oshkosh Northwestern newspaper.

Whittaker realized during the robbery that the clerk knew her, police said. So she told the clerk she was her own twin sister.

Cops found Whittaker at her apartment, along with the $181 and case of beer that had been taken from the store.

She faces up to $100,000 in fines and a 40-year prison sentence.

Technorati Tags: Armed Robbery, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Hey, Anyone Seen My Satchel?

LOWELL, Mass. – A man who held up banks by claiming he had a bomb in a bag was arrested after police found the bag actually contained books, including a phone book that had a mailing label with the man’s full name and address.

“It was clearly not his best move,” Lawrence Police Chief John J. Romero said.

George Melendez was arrested Thursday at his home in Lowell and charged with the Jan. 6 robbery of a bank in Dracut. Police said he is also likely to face charges in bank robberies in Lawrence and Salem, N.H.

Investigators said Melendez would hand tellers a note claiming to have a bomb in his bag and demand large bills. As he left with the cash, he would leave behind the bag, prompting Dracut and Salem police to call in bomb squads as a precaution.

In each case, the satchel-type bags contained tangled wires and books.

After he allegedly hit a Sovereign Bank in Lawrence last week, police found a Lowell-area phone book in the bag the robber had left behind. They went to the address listed on the label and arrested Melendez, who also fit the bank tellers’ description of the robber. (H/T Dumb Criminals)

Technorati Tags: Bank Robbery, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Polly want a burglar?

WILLIAMSPORT, PA. – A pet parrot attacked a man who broke into its owner’s apartment, and the bite and blood marks helped police identify a suspect.

The blue and gold macaw hybrid named Sunshine attacked Michael L. Deeter, 44, after he broke into the apartment, police said. Sunshine had blood on its beak and Deeter had marks on his hand consistent with those made by a parrot.

Deeter told police the bird bit him very hard after he entered James Erb’s apartment and he still had the marks to prove it when he was arrested, authorities said. He allegedly got away with about $100 and a camcorder.

The crime-fighting bird also helped pinpoint the time of the break-in at 3 p.m. Saturday, when a neighbor heard it making a commotion.

Deeter became a suspect when police learned he had called Erb around 1 p.m. Saturday and learned he would be leaving for work. He confessed to breaking the glass in the door to get into the apartment, but said he was too drunk to remember anything else but his encounter with the bird, police said.

Deeter was arraigned on charges of burglary, criminal trespass, theft and criminal mischief and taken to the county jail in lieu of $25,000 bail.

As for the bird, Sunshine did not come away unscathed—all but one of its large tail feathers had been pulled out.

Technorati Tags: Williamsport, Parrot, Crime, Stupid Criminals

And the Ones Not Turned in Will be on EBay

Mexicans are being invited to exchange their weapons for computers under a quirky new idea to curb rampant crime in Mexico City.

Authorities in one of the city’s 16 districts are offering a new computer, out of 150 donated by a charitable foundation, for each gun handed in.

“People often have a gun at home, which could perhaps be for self-defense, but sadly it becomes a family tragedy when it is not used properly “ Guadalupe Lopez, local government head for the central district of Alvaro Obregon, told Reuters.

Shootings are a daily occurrence in Mexico City, a sprawling megalopolis of 18 million people where muggings, carjackings and kidnappings are common.

The computers-for-guns program, which echoes past schemes in other city districts that offered groceries for guns, will target some of the district’s most crime-hit areas, although collectors’ items are also turning up.

Technorati Tags: Mexico, Computers, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Crime Does Pay in Washington State

At most jobs, on-the-job conduct that gets an employee arrested will usually stop the paycheck, at least for the duration of the incarceration. However, if that individual is a Washington State Patrol employee sworn to uphold the law, the paycheck is delivered to the jail, it seems.

Michael Idland was on administrative reassignment and drew his full Washington State Patrol (WSP) salary during the 17 months he spent in the King County Jail for molesting women during routine traffic stops. Why did the agency that is supposed to enforce our state laws reward an officer for breaking those laws?

Technorati Tags: Washington State, State Police, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Do Ya Think He Might Need a Suicide Watch?

GREELEY, Colo. — A man who tried to commit suicide by sailing through several interections at 90 mph was sentenced Thursday to 35 years in prison after he crashed his pickup truck and killed a young mother last year.

Matthew Kyle Campbell, 35, was originally charged with first-degree murder based on extreme indifference to human life.

Last November he pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and as part of the plea agreement, Campbell faced between 16 and 35 years in prison instead of life in prison.

Technorati Tags: Greeley Colorado, Suicide, Murder, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Ok I’ll Pay For The Sex, But Those Pot-Bellied Pigs Gotta Go!

In what may be a new twist on the oldest profession, police detectives on Tuesday entered the home of Brandy M. Britton, 41, and her two pot-bellied pigs.

As a result of an undercover sting, Britton, a former assistant professor of sociology and anthropology at the University of Maryland—Baltimore County, was charged with various prostitution charges after agreeing — according to police records — to provide sex for money.

Brandon Justice, a police spokesman, said that it’s not everyday that the Howard County, Md. police station sees an alleged prostitute with a doctorate degree. “It’s very disconcerting,” he said. “But we weren’t really investigating her higher education background.” [Think how the pigs felt! – ed]

The investigation stemmed from complaints by several area residents who had seen streams of cars and men enter their quiet Ellicott City suburban neighborhood. Then, police found what they said was Britton’s personal Web site, where she advertised herself as a “a sexy, sophisticated and very passionate full-service … escort and erotic masseuse who provides incall or outcall escort or massage appointments in the Maryland, Baltimore, DC/Metro and Virginia areas.” The Web site was pulled down Thursday night.

Technorati Tags: Prostitution, Baltimore Maryland, Erotic Masseuse, Escourt Service, Crime, Oldest Profession, Stupid Criminals

Yogurt, Naked Females, So What’s Obscene?

The Korean Supreme Court has upheld a lower court ruling convicting a dairy executive for an obscene event promoting his company’s yogurt, a news report said Thursday.

The court upheld a lower court fine of 5 million won ($5,000) for the executive, identified by his family name Kang, Yonhap news agency reported, citing the top court’s ruling.

It also upheld fines of between 500,000 won ($500) and 2 million won ($2,000) on three models for staging a nude performance with the yogurt at a crowded Seoul art gallery in 2003, Yonhap said.

The models, caked in wheat flour, used spray devices to squirt each other with yogurt, which washed off the flour to expose their bodies, Yonhap reported.

According to Yonhap, the court said the performance “was obscene as the event’s main purpose was commercial and it went beyond the point necessary to promote the product.”

Technorati Tags: Korea, Yogurt, Obscenity, Supreme Court, Crime
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Nun Bribes Her Way into Hell!

A Polish nun has been accused of bribing a policeman after she was caught drink-driving for the third time.

Prosecutors are investigating Sister Malgozata Lato, from Jelenia Gora, after a local newspaper reported that her ticket had been cancelled.

The paper claimed she had paid a policeman £500 to escape prosecution.

Sister Lato, a member of the local Benedictine convent, reportedly said she feared public humiliation if her fellow nuns found out about her wild nights out.

Technorati Tags: Poland, Stupid Criminals