There Must Not Have Been a 7/11 Nearby

A bankobber was left empty-handed when he turned up ten minutes late and found the branch had already closed for the day.

Staff at the Podravska Bank in Zagreb, Croatia, told police they were just getting ready to go home when they heard the doors rattling and saw a masked man holding a gun trying to get in.

Police spokesman Davor Tor said: “Most banks here open until 7pm but this robber obviously picked the wrong branch.”

“Staff said even though he was wearing a mask they could tell from his movements that he was very confused to find the bank wasn’t open.”

Police are looking for the robber and say if caught he will be charged with attempted armed robbery.

Technorati Tags: Stupid Criminals, Crime, Bank Robbery

See, Not All Criminals are Stupid

A burglar broke into a Norwegian grammar school – and solved some maths problems.

Nothing was stolen in the raid on a school in Klaebu, reports Aftenposten, quoting Adresseavisen.

But the intruder did take on a mathematics test intended for third grade students.

And, according to local law enforcement officials, he – or she – did a good job, solving all the problems correctly.

Technorati Tags: Norway, Crime, Stupid Criminals, Intruder, Burglar

Did They Think the Signs Resembled Cheetos?

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS — If you can’t beat ‘em … joint ‘em? The City of Amsterdam has begun selling recently introduced “no toking” signs to prevent the official ones from being stolen as collector’s items, a spokesman said Friday.

The signs were created as part of an experimental ban on smoking marijuana on the street in “De Baarsjes,” one of the city’s poorer neighborhoods. The measure, which went into effect Feb. 1, was intended to reduce loitering and petty crime.

Technorati Tags: Marijuna, Amsterdam Netherlands, Stupid Criminals, Crime

Dildos and Ferris Wheels

A nurse and two cameramen were arrested at the Munich beer festival for filming a porn movie on the city’s famous big wheel.

The 21-year-old registered nurse, unnamed due to German privacy laws, and her two acquaintances were spotted ‘filming sexual acts’ by three Italian tourists in another carriage of the ride.

The Oktoberfest tourists alerted authorities, who detained the nurse and the filmmakers – a 25-year-old student and a 30-year-old teacher.

Munich police released a statement saying: “The trio were spotted in the carriage with filming equipment.

“The 21-year-old suddenly disrobed and produced a sex toy that she began to use while the other two filmed her.”

The three have been charged with public indecency.

Love at the Bang of the Gavel

A judge who fell for the defendant’s girlfriend is in trouble after offering to put his rival away for a long time.

The 63-year-old justice from Munich, named only as Wolfgang W for legal reasons, sent the 30-year-old woman text messages.

He told her he wanted to bed her after they went out for dinner together during her boyfriend’s robbery trial.

But the woman turned on the judge when he sent her a text saying: “I could lock him up for a long time, so that you can get some peace,” and she showed the messages to her boyfriend’s lawyer.

The judge has now been taken off the case and is facing disciplinary action as well as charges of abuse of office, which carries up to five years in prison.

Don’t Bring a Knife to a Salad Dressing Fight!

A British armed robber thought his knife would be enough to convince a shopkeeper to open the cash register — but he hadn’t reckoned on her skills with a squirt bottle of salad dressing.

“He came in and produced a knife and said, ‘Give me the money out of the till,’” said Lorraine Avery, 48, according to London’s Daily Telegraph.

“I thought, ‘He’s not having our money, I’ve worked hard for it’ … The nearest thing was a big bottle of salad cream so I grabbed it and squeezed it all over his clothes,” she told a court in Stafford, England, yesterday.

Michael Watt, 18, backed out of the store and ran out into the street. Police caught up to him following a trail of salad dressing, which was also all over his clothes.

Watt got a sentence of 3½ years for attempted robbery. The judge also recommended that Avery get a bravery award.

Technorati Tags: Stafford England, Armed Robbery, Crime, Stupid Criminals

Nun Bribes Her Way into Hell!

A Polish nun has been accused of bribing a policeman after she was caught drink-driving for the third time.

Prosecutors are investigating Sister Malgozata Lato, from Jelenia Gora, after a local newspaper reported that her ticket had been cancelled.

The paper claimed she had paid a policeman £500 to escape prosecution.

Sister Lato, a member of the local Benedictine convent, reportedly said she feared public humiliation if her fellow nuns found out about her wild nights out.

Technorati Tags: Poland, Stupid Criminals

I’ll See Your Bet and Raise You 5 Rosery Beads

A Romanian priest has been fined and could be defrocked after he was caught playing poker in a pub.

Vasile Mihaila, 40, parish priest for Negoesti village in Gorj county, was caught in the act by police during a routine search.

The priest and other two men were each fined £200 for gambling illegally in an unauthorised place.

A police spokesman told Gazeta de Sud: “There were nine men at the table playing poker but only three of them had money in front of their seats. I was stoned when I heard one of them was a priest.” [Is that the proper terminology to use for an officer of the law? - ed]

Orthodox church officials said they have opened their own investigation but add the priest could be defrocked for “activities incompatible with the service of a clergyman”.

Technorati Tags: Crime, Religion, Priesthood, Stupid Criminals